District 9: INSERT NAME HERE
by bibanan
Summary: This is just a story I started because I had the urge to write. This will be the case with the chapters as well. This means that I do not update in a consistent manner. I apologize for the inconveniences this may cause.  There is mild swearing.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Vacation to Africa

The steady sound of fabric grazing a polished tile floor sounded down the hallway of the Johannesburg Airport. People stared as a group of women dragged their enraged companion across the floor from gate seven. "DAMMIT, WOULD YOU LET GO OF MY FUCKING SHIRT! YOU'RE STRETCHING OUT THE COLLAR!" she shouted. Her flailing hands waved about, grasping and tugging against her captors' hands from time to time. From left to right, Jodi, Kelsea, Brittany and Tina all kept hold of Tiffany's shirt. Tina gave her trademark peel of loud laughter at Tiffany's angry flailing. She thought Tiffany's situation was about as funny as death...which meant that this was hilarious.

"I can't believe you tackled a kid for taking your food!"

"Seriously!" Jodi an Kelsea both complained. This only made the situation worse, because Tina laughed hard at the recolection of Tiffany leaping out of her seat and ramming a thirteen-year-old child to the ground in an attempt to retrieve her stolen large box of cheddar flavored gold fish crackers. Tiffany glared at Sara and I like we were the ones who said it. "Well, that midget is old enough to know that stealing is bad!" she complained loudly, crossing her arms with an exaggerated humph.

Brittany chimed in, "Well, its not like you haven't stolen." Tiffany's glare suddnly catapulted flaming bombs of death in Brittany's direction, "You guys should know me enough by now to figure out that I DON'T GIVE A DAMN." she corrected, her words dripping acid.

"Oooh, buuuurrrrn." I stated plainly.

"Nice." Sara, added sarcasticly.

"Shut up, Bibanan." Tiffany retorted. Tiffany had taken to calling me by my internet name a long time ago. Lord knows why. Though thats not to say I minded it. It was based on a nickname that my Aunt gave me. And since then, it grew on me.

Jodi sighed. Kelsea looked ahead and saw that they were almost to the door. "Well, look at the bright side. We're almost out." That didn't lift Tiffany's spirits at all. "Bibanan, could you tell them to let me go?" Tiffany pleaded. I thought for a moment. Hm...entertainment or break the "arrested on a trip" streak? A few of the people who watched us had picked up their phones. One of them being an airport employee. This worried me. "Actually, you guys, I think you should let her go. I think one of our watchers called security." Tina nodded and let go of Tiffany's shirt, "Vivian's right. I saw an employee heading to the help desk."

The rest agreed and let go as well. Tiffany quickly stood up and calmly dusted herself off. She calmly looked at everyone in front of her for a moment, then..."If I wasn't tired and there was no possible threat of security coming, I would have beaten the SHIT out of you all until you died TEN TIMES OVER!" Tiffany spoke so fast the words were practically combining toward the end of the sentence. "But I'm feeling generous today, so I'll let you off with getting me a new shirt."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 - My Ass is on Fire

Everyone silently walked along through an area where there were no people and barely any guards. Tiffany waved bye to the dark skinned guard who obviously knew they were there. "You guys. We don't need to sneak around like we stole the Presedent's wallet. They know we're here." Jodi looked back at her, "Well if SOMEONE could just behave on the plane, none of this would've happened." Tiffany frowned angrily, "Well if SOME PEOPLE didn't resort to DRAGGING ME ON THE FLOOR then NO ONE would've called SECURITY. Oh, and by the way, shotgun."

"SHIT!" Brittany whispered loudly, making some sort of flailing gesture that apparently meant she was displeased.

I looked at Sara, who was looking away to hide her smirk, trying to keep from snickering at them. I laughed and sighed, "Its going to be a looong day..." I complained quietly. Sara, still smirking, nodded, "Tell me about it."

Soon, they made it out the door and took a breath of what they thought would be fresh air. As soon as they stepped outside, a wave of heat engulfed them entirely and they recoiled as they ran back inside. Sara and I could've sworn we heard them all hiss as if it were fire burning their skin. Today was a particularly hot day. But with some team work, we eventually made it past the steaming parking lot and into the steaming hot, leather interior, rental mini van. Everyone cried out in pain as they sat on the burning leather. "Alright, whose the idiot who got leather interior? I mean, come on! Its fucking AFRICA!" Sara complained as she struggled to find a place where she could grasp the seatbelt without burning herself.

Kelsi raised her shoulders and looked out the window, secured and ready to sit in a toaster oven on wheels for an hour. "Not me. Tina was in charge of picking a car." Everyone looked over to Tina, who just shut the sliding door. She snapped the seatbelt in it's place and patted it contently. She happily looked out the window, but wondered why it was silent and the car wasn't moving. Tina looked over. Suddenly, her contentment was replaced fear as she jumped back, pressing against the door. "WHAT? It was the best car I could find!"

Everyone looked away and Jodi started the car, reluctant to grasp the leather steering wheel. Tiffany glanced back at me from the front seat in which she proudly sat. "Vivian, I'm starting to think this trip you won is mostly a scam." I shook my head and stared blankly out the window in the very back.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 - The Hair is a Lie

Feeling the car come to a stop, I lifted my head and looked around the car. Every seat except my own held a sleeping figure. I sat up a little straighter and reached to the ceiling to reposition the air vent on my side toward me. The car had already cooled down to a non-lethal temperature during the ride, but it was better to bask in the cool air before it was gone in the little time they had on the road. I stretched and yawned while I rubbed my sore neck, "Jodi...what time is it...how long do we have until we're at the hotel?" I asked, my voice having that tired, airy tone to it.  
Jodi gave a bored sigh and took a moment to look at the clock. "Its about six. And traffic looks pretty backed up right now so its going to take a bit longer. It looks like theres a wreck up ahead." I stretched again and turned my gaze to the window once more. "How long have we been on the road?"

"Eh...about fourty-five minutes, maybe. Somewhere around there."

"Oh. We're almost there, then."

"Yep. Not too much longer."

Our conversation seemed to reach the ears of the sleeping pair to my right. Brittany stirred and lifted her head to tiredly look around. "...We there yet...?"

"No. But it won't be much longer."

"Ah." she replied and stretched, bringing out her ipod from her pocket. She grasped the side of Tina's chair and pulled herself to her feet, manuvering through the seats to get to the front. The slight shift of the chair caused Tina to wake, too. Brittany greeted Sara along the way and Tiffany as well when she hooked her ipod up to the radio. Kelsea finally woke up due to all the commotion. Pretty soon, we had the music back up and everyone was chattering away as Brittany, aka Minivan DJ, scrolled through everyone elses ipods to set up the line of songs to be played along the trip.

I was laughing at a few jokes they made when I noticed some one walking around a few dozen cars ahead. Well...it was more like running. And the figure looked...immensely...tall - what the hell? "Hey you guys...look up there..." I beckoned, pointing toward the figure. We were all now at the left side of the van, peering out the windows to get a glimpse of this strange person. Tiffany raised an eyebrow, "Did we just happen to see the tallest man in the world?" she asked. "But what are those things on his head?" Kelsi added curiously. Sara joined the conversation. "He's got some weird hair." she stated simply. We all nodded in agreement.

Tina went up to the front for a closer look. As the figure came closer, it became clearer to me as to what those thin, twig-like things were. And that wasn't even hair. I squinted my eyes, "Wait, is that a-"

"HOLY FOOKIN SHIT THEY'RE REAL!" Tina interrupted with a loud shout that almost shattered the eardrums of those around her. A set of antennae twitched franticly as the spikey shelled creature sped past our van. The van tilted to the right as everyone jumped back, wailing words of surprise. Both Kelsi and I noticed Tina immediately trying to open the van door. "TINA, WAIT! DON'T!" we shouted as we gripped her arms and tugged her back into the van. It was hardly doing any good. She was determined. "I JUST WANT TO HUG IT!" her voice strained as she leaned forward with all her might.

Suddenly, two more of the creatures came striding past like a speeding giraffe, followed soon after by a group of MNU officers. Our hollering arguement was replaced with screams of terror as an officer pointed his gun at us. "Ma'am, get back in the car! GET BACK IN THE CAR!" "TINA, GET BACK IN THE DAMN CAR!" Tiffany shouted and yanked at the collar of her shirt. "NNNNNNO!" she strained again, beginning to choke as she resisted. Everyone else now pitched in, finally yanking tina back into the van. We all made sure she wouldn't get back up again by sitting on her, pinning her to the seat she was in. We all panted and sat there for a while, exhausted from the sudden excitement. Tiffany threw her hands up in the air as she spoke, "You guys should take the time to work on your reflexes. Maybe next time it wouldn't TAKE TWO HOURS TO AVOID DEATH!"

Meanwhile, Tina was jumping up and down in her chair. Shaking the pile of people which held her down. "!" I shook my head and shut the van door. Though I must admit, I was just as curious and excited as she was. It all seemed like a dream...a mildly scary one. "...does anyone know what just happened?" Kelsi asked. Sara looked up from under Brittany and Jodi. "Not really. I was just listening to music and minding my own business when all of a sudden this happens and I end up pinned between three people. Thats the best I can explain it." she said simply, like it was a part of the daily routine. It was enough to make me laugh despite the fact we were almost killed. Tiffany sat in the front seat again, her attitude at its full force. "That about sums it up."

Jodi looked up. "Oh hey...traffic is moving again...oh crap. Hey Tiff, take the wheel. I'm a bit occupied here." Tiffany sighed. "Fine." she said and reluctantly began to drive. "So, who wants to bet we can last the next twenty-four hours without getting involved with the police?" Unfortunately, no one took that bet.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 - Rescue Mission: Bob the Dead Body

It had been about half an hour before we arrived to our destination. Tiff quickly exited the car and yanked open the sliding door on the driver's side of the van as she walked by. Tina came tumbling out along with Jodi and Brittany. Sara already managed to pull herself out from the pile of people long ago. She climbed over the seats and out the door, using the mass of bodies as steps to easily walk to the ground while Kelsea and I got out from the other side. I looked over at Tiffany, who was already leaning on the hood of the car with her stuff on the ground next to her. "Well, hurry up." she called with a light voice. "You're the one who has to check us in." she motioned with a rolling motion of her hand.

"All right, all right, I'm coming." I replied and tugged my stuff out of the trunk. The group trudged through the doors and embraced the wall of cold air. Despite the old lady at the desk taking forever to give me the room key, the atmosphere and over all look of the place was great. It had a modern design, but gave off a cozy feeling. It seemed the others felt the same way, seeing that they were much calmer now without heat stroke threatening to kill them. After a good five - ten minutes, we were walking down the hallway and into the elevator. The calm lights, metal interior and the most awesomely epic elevator music we ever heard in our lives would make even a claustrophobic person feel pretty comfortable. Which was good because everyone hates crappy elevators. Just saying.

We eventually came to the suite and I swiped the card in the scanner next to the door handle. The light turned green to signal the door was unlocked. We opened the door...Kelsea spoke out after about a minute. "Is anyone here picturing this place as mafia headquarters?" she asked as I eventually walked in and peered around. She was right. It's decor consisted of dark but vibrant colors such as reds, golds, tans and blacks. Even the bathroom had dark colors in it. Tan marble walls and a black marble floor, shower and sink. The only thing that stood out was the white towels and white tub which stood in the middle of the room. It was a fancy-looking tub - one you would see in the movies with a rich noble soaking in it covered in a mountain of bubbles. It's gold painted feet held it up from the ground and matching pipes sprouted from the floor and lead to the faucet. However, the beds looked okay. At least to me, who likes a cushy bed you can snuggle up in with giant soft blankets you can pull over your shoulder.

Everyone set their stuff where they preferred to set them, most of it next to the slightly crooked table. Tina and Brittany counted down from three and did a cannon ball in both beds. They didn't even bounce. Instead, their bodies sank halfway in it's depths. If the beds were any taller, we wouldn't be able to find them. They would've been eaten, finding themselves in the belly of the beast along with any corpses the imaginary mafia decided to throw down there. I passed this thought to the other three who stood and watched as Tina and Britt struggled to crawl out of the beds. They all nodded. Sara stood at the end of Tina's bed, cupped a hand near her mouth and pretended to shout. As if Tina were miles below in a giant pit.

"Tina, you alive down there?"

Tina gave another loud laugh but answered with a simple, "Yes."

"Did you find Bob the Dead Body?"

We snickered as Tina decided to turn it into a conversation. "Yes!" she called back.

"How is he? Is he okay?"

"Well, he's still dead."

Sara looked excitedly over at Tiff with exaggerated relief, "Did you hear that, Tiff? Bob's going to be okay!" She gasped with her hands reaching outward. Tiffany gave a good laugh, which consisted of short gasps, and replied. "It seems Bob the Dead Body has a bright future ahead of him!" She exclaimed, going over to help Britt out of the bed. I almost fell and Kelsea would've been the one to knock me over, we were laughing so hard. We both stumbled over to Tina's bed and struggled to help Tina out.

With one final tug, Tina finally managed to roll over the edge and we all fell to the floor between the queen sized beds. Sara had to back up and lean on the wall for a moment to catch her breath while Tiff face-palmed, her laugh lost in the sea of hilarity. Britt couldn't get out until after we calmed down. She was rolling in the bed holding her stomach as she watched the whole thing go down.

Eventually, everyone was laying on the floor, breathing heavily from all that work. Tiff shook her head with a helpless smile, "Well, aside from the wobbly table, overly stuffed predator beds, and the lack of a competent designer, this place is great. There's a good view of the city from this floor and a giant shower which I will be occupying within the next moment or two."

I gazed hopefully at Tiff with big eyes, "So does this mean you're glad I won this trip?" Tiffany shrugged, "Meh, its so, so. It depends on what'll happen tomorrow."

I looked down, defeated. "Well, I guess its something..." Kelsea patted my shoulder, "Aww, don't be that way, Viv!" Tina, whose pretty much always a happy person, announced her reply. "I LOVE IT! If you didn't win this trip, we wouldn't have been able to find Bob!" Sara entered the conversation as she stood up, dusting off her pants despite the spotless carpet. "Well, he would've eventually ended up in a dumpster behind Wal-Mart or something where we could find him, easy."

"Yeah, Bob loves Wal-Mart."

Kelsea held up a finger, "OH, and don't forget the prawn!"

She immediately regretted saying that, for Tina grasped her shoulders and shook her back and fourth until she was close to getting whiplash. "OMG, YEEEESSSSS!"

Brittany flicked on the tv as Sara sat on the edge of a bed. "I don't know. I'm starting to think it was the heat stroke. Or maybe they're secretly shooting a sequel to District 9."

"Probably." Kelsea nodded.

I helped Tina up and walked over to the window to look at the city for the first time since we entered. "It looked pretty real to me. We were only nearly shot in the face by an MNU officer. Plus the NO PRAWN sign at the entrance."

Sara continued her debate, "Well, if they're here, then where's that big ass ship they supposedly came in?"

Tina shared her knowledge. "Well, assuming the documentary was real, then the actual event may have happened a couple decades ago. The ship would've left long before we appeared." she explained. Sara nodded, "True...anyways, I call shower next." she claimed before watching tv with Brittany.

Soon, it was around midnight. Everyone had their shower, the sweat from enduring today's heat washed away, and we all readied for bed. We went over the last bit of details we remembered from District 9 before we got under the sheets and turned out the lights. I sighed with contentment as I lay on my stomach, the thick, cool quilt laying neatly over my shoulders and my arms hugging the soft pillow under my head. Tiff had the tiny office fan going from the desk and the alarm clock radio on low volume. She couldn't find a rock station, so we settled with classical. I joked about the off chance that the Imperial March might come on with Sara agreeing on how weird it would be. The rest of us laughed a bit, aside from Tiffany who was too tired to reply. I closed my eyes, finishing off the conversation, "Its most likely going to be a long day tomorrow as well..." Tiff groaned and everyone laughed once more before finally falling to sleep. Shrugging off the possibility of the Mafia watching our every move. Though, in a weird way, with the way we act and the stories we tell, it would make sense that something like that would happen.


End file.
